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migmitSo, I did watch "Barbie". Sue me.
I really wanted to like this movie. I really liked "Enchanted", so, another movie about some make-believe person going to the real world? Sign me on. Unfortunately, halfway through it ran out of whatever little steam it had, and started dragging. In the end, it felt like a Youtube short, stretched to the full movie length for no reason.
The plot is basically an excuse. The "real world" is not real at all. Will Ferrell, who looks more and more evil with every passing year, spends the whole first scene pretty much glued to bright drumsticks and moves rather awkwardly. I was expecting a twist, a reveal that he is actually Ken who escaped into the real world decades ago and got older, but no. He is just there, stumbling through the story without direction.
Emotional beats were underwhelming to say the least. The disconnect between mother and daughter, which could plausibly be the theme of this story, is resolved within a few minutes. The twist that it was the mother who played with Barbie and caused problems in the beginning is nice, I guess, but the point that it's fine for a grownup to play with dolls if they want to is not stressed, and it is immediately buried under a car chase, which isn't that good anyway. BTW, I'm not asking for "Mission Impossible"-style car stunts, but can we have something at least on the level of "Knives Out"? Thank you.
Another issue is that they don't understand the idea of "Unspoken Plan Guarantee". The thing is, if your plan is going to succeed without any major alterations — do not tell that plan to the viewers. Only tell them the plan if a) heroes (or villains, if it is their plan) are going to lose, or b) heroes (resp. villains) are going to win, but win by adapting to the changing circumstances, not by sticking to the plan. Of course, omitting Barbie outlining the plan would make the story shorter, but it is stretched beyond imaginable anyway; it should be shorter.
And please, do not tell me that this is a movie intended for kids. First of all, in a kids' movie Barbie would not mention her absent vagina; secondly, kids movies need to make sense too.
Anyway. Characters aren't that great either. Of course, Margot Robbie is perfect as Stereotypical Barbie, that's the role she was born to play; but she is the only one. Ryan Gosling... ahem. Dude is older than Robbie by almost a decade. Yes, it's painfully obvious. He can't be Ken, at least not Stereotypical Barbie's Ken. Ferrell, as I mentioned before, pretty much wanders around without understanding what he is doing (which, come to think of it, is quite usual for him). America Ferrera made her anvilicious preaching be one of the most honest moments of the movie, but it severely clashed with the rest. And Helen Mirren as narrator — well, it is, I believe, illegal to not like Helen Mirren, but I can't help but wonder if the movie would be a bit better if it was Stereotypical Barbie herself narrating the plot. Yes, that fourth-wall-breaking moment too, it would be weird, but in a good way.
And lastly, there were a couple of musical numbers that weren't serving any purpose. They didn't advance the plot, they didn't show characters from a different point of view, they were just... pointless.
I really wanted to like this movie. I really liked "Enchanted", so, another movie about some make-believe person going to the real world? Sign me on. Unfortunately, halfway through it ran out of whatever little steam it had, and started dragging. In the end, it felt like a Youtube short, stretched to the full movie length for no reason.
The plot is basically an excuse. The "real world" is not real at all. Will Ferrell, who looks more and more evil with every passing year, spends the whole first scene pretty much glued to bright drumsticks and moves rather awkwardly. I was expecting a twist, a reveal that he is actually Ken who escaped into the real world decades ago and got older, but no. He is just there, stumbling through the story without direction.
Emotional beats were underwhelming to say the least. The disconnect between mother and daughter, which could plausibly be the theme of this story, is resolved within a few minutes. The twist that it was the mother who played with Barbie and caused problems in the beginning is nice, I guess, but the point that it's fine for a grownup to play with dolls if they want to is not stressed, and it is immediately buried under a car chase, which isn't that good anyway. BTW, I'm not asking for "Mission Impossible"-style car stunts, but can we have something at least on the level of "Knives Out"? Thank you.
Another issue is that they don't understand the idea of "Unspoken Plan Guarantee". The thing is, if your plan is going to succeed without any major alterations — do not tell that plan to the viewers. Only tell them the plan if a) heroes (or villains, if it is their plan) are going to lose, or b) heroes (resp. villains) are going to win, but win by adapting to the changing circumstances, not by sticking to the plan. Of course, omitting Barbie outlining the plan would make the story shorter, but it is stretched beyond imaginable anyway; it should be shorter.
And please, do not tell me that this is a movie intended for kids. First of all, in a kids' movie Barbie would not mention her absent vagina; secondly, kids movies need to make sense too.
Anyway. Characters aren't that great either. Of course, Margot Robbie is perfect as Stereotypical Barbie, that's the role she was born to play; but she is the only one. Ryan Gosling... ahem. Dude is older than Robbie by almost a decade. Yes, it's painfully obvious. He can't be Ken, at least not Stereotypical Barbie's Ken. Ferrell, as I mentioned before, pretty much wanders around without understanding what he is doing (which, come to think of it, is quite usual for him). America Ferrera made her anvilicious preaching be one of the most honest moments of the movie, but it severely clashed with the rest. And Helen Mirren as narrator — well, it is, I believe, illegal to not like Helen Mirren, but I can't help but wonder if the movie would be a bit better if it was Stereotypical Barbie herself narrating the plot. Yes, that fourth-wall-breaking moment too, it would be weird, but in a good way.
And lastly, there were a couple of musical numbers that weren't serving any purpose. They didn't advance the plot, they didn't show characters from a different point of view, they were just... pointless.
