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migmitIn Soviet Union, there was this book called "Physicists joking", and it's sequel "Physicists continue joking". Some of the entries there were original, but there were a lot of funny stories or just scientific jokes there that were translated from foreign publications. Apparently, some parts were omitted from those translations. Try to guess what was omitted from this article, for example:
PICKLES AND HUMBUG: a bit of comparative logic
(Published in: The Journal of Irreproducible Results)
Pickles will kill you! Every pickle you eat brings you nearer to death. Amazingly, the "thinking man" has failed to grasp the terrifying significance of the phrase "in a pickle." Although leading horticulturists have long known that Cucumis sativus posseses an indehiscent pepo, the pickle industry continues to expand.
Pickles are associated with all major diseases of the body. Eating them breeds war and Communism. They can be related to most airline tragedies. Auto accidents are caused by pickles. There is a positive relationship between crime waves and consumption of this fruit of the cucurbit family. For example,
- Nearly all sick people have eaten pickles. The effects are obviously cumulative.
- 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.
- 100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles.
- 96.8% of all Red sympathizers have eaten pickles.
- 99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within forteen days before the accident.
- 93.1% of all juvenile delinquents come from homes where pickles are served frequently.
Evidence points to the long-term effects of pickle eating:
- Of the people born in 1839 who later dined on pickles, there has been a 100% mortality.
- All pickle eaters born between 1919 and 1929 have wrinkled skin, have lost most of their teeth, have brittle bones, and have failing eyesight — if the ills of eating pickles have not already caused their death.
- Even more convincing is the report of a noted team of medical specialists: Rats force-fed 20 pounds of pickles per day for thirty days developed bulging abdomens. Their appetites for wholesome food were destroyed.
The only way to avoid the deleterious effects of pickle eating is to change eating habits. Eat orchid petal soup. Practically no one has problems from eating orchid petal soup.
PICKLES AND HUMBUG: a bit of comparative logic
(Published in: The Journal of Irreproducible Results)
Pickles will kill you! Every pickle you eat brings you nearer to death. Amazingly, the "thinking man" has failed to grasp the terrifying significance of the phrase "in a pickle." Although leading horticulturists have long known that Cucumis sativus posseses an indehiscent pepo, the pickle industry continues to expand.
Pickles are associated with all major diseases of the body. Eating them breeds war and Communism. They can be related to most airline tragedies. Auto accidents are caused by pickles. There is a positive relationship between crime waves and consumption of this fruit of the cucurbit family. For example,
- Nearly all sick people have eaten pickles. The effects are obviously cumulative.
- 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.
- 100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles.
- 96.8% of all Red sympathizers have eaten pickles.
- 99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within forteen days before the accident.
- 93.1% of all juvenile delinquents come from homes where pickles are served frequently.
Evidence points to the long-term effects of pickle eating:
- Of the people born in 1839 who later dined on pickles, there has been a 100% mortality.
- All pickle eaters born between 1919 and 1929 have wrinkled skin, have lost most of their teeth, have brittle bones, and have failing eyesight — if the ills of eating pickles have not already caused their death.
- Even more convincing is the report of a noted team of medical specialists: Rats force-fed 20 pounds of pickles per day for thirty days developed bulging abdomens. Their appetites for wholesome food were destroyed.
The only way to avoid the deleterious effects of pickle eating is to change eating habits. Eat orchid petal soup. Practically no one has problems from eating orchid petal soup.
